A much belated update

S washing dishes

My, how I've neglected this space!  Time just seems to fly by and priorities shuffle around accordingly.  Which is to say that I haven't been here because I haven't had the time, nor found it incombent to make the time.  :)

S with the sandpaper letters

There has been just too much going on.  I am simultaneously reading three or four different books.  Simplicity Parenting, Siblings Without Rivalry, and Square Foot Gardening.  I have three crocheting projects that are just missing ears, and I have a cape pinned up and ready to sew.  Schooling has been the main reason though why I haven't been here.  The kids have quite a bit of homework on a given day, and when they don't (or when they're done) I don't want to waste the precious time I have with them.

The two older ones and I went skating this past Monday outside at Celebration Square.  Oh how fun it was!  I have forgotten the joys of skating.  And those two were just priceless.  My phone is full of photos from our morning skate.  In the end, I had to drag M off home.  He just didn't want to leave.  And boy, you could tell how much he loved it!  Trying to speed skate around the rink and falling every so often when he lost balance.  I can't say how often I laughed gleefully for the pure joy of watching those two learn such a fun sport!  We are planning a repeat for today while the cold weather lasts.

Last weekend we managed to get to our favourite retreat - Dormition monastery.  Such good timing.  And how we've missed it.  Whenever we get back, we notice how we feel more uplifted and how the kids have sort of re-calibrated, if you will.  It's beautiful.

S and J scrubbing potatoes

S colour matching while J sorts beans

These days, it's S keeping me busy during school hours.  She is motoring along with her "work" and I am following her lead as best I can.  I wish I knew what I know now earlier so the other two could have enjoyed similar activities and attention from mama.  I am doing my best to make up for it though.  J loves working in the kitchen, and it's not hard to get M in there either.  All is not lost.  The other day, we took a much-needed break at home to recuperate and recharge together.  While not perfect by any stretch, I found the day to be very profitable on so many levels.  And that just makes my heart sing.  :)

Little J turned 5 early this month.  She loved all her gifts, and they were all very hands-on, which is where this little one is right now.  She loves to make things and play dress up.  She has gotten a lot of use from her new "bead box" and has been very generous sharing with M and S.  There has been a lot of bracelet and necklace making going on.  

And baby M was baptized on the 31st of Jan.  (Two more reasons I haven't been around, incidentally!)  Speaking of baby, she is a doll.  Laughing away whenever someone takes the time to notice and talk to her.  She talks right back to us too!  This is actually a sore point, because I so often have little time to give her, and I feel so guilty!  It's no wonder I try to make up for it while I'm waiting in line at the store!  Those old ladies must think I'm a new mama the way I go on with her.  :)  C'est la vie, je crois.

J sorting the items in our nature box

Right now, we are turning our attention to plants.  Tomatoes in particular.  And cucumbers.  Some seeds need to be started soon and I am unprepared on so many levels.  But, here we go again.  Diving into another growing season with our sleeves pulled up and ready to get dirty.

M and J completing their Montessori sun together while S looks on

M experimenting with mixing colours

Another item on my list is organizing this space.  I think I mentioned I was trying to organize the kitchen.  Well, that has spilled over into the entire house.  It's a big job.  Bear with me.  It won't be done this month.  Probably not this spring.  I just have to be realistic with four kids and a full, full, full life with them.  (In trying to find an adjective to describe our lives, I really think "full" is the most successful...)

The cape I must needs finish and my little sewer stitching her little fox purse

Anyhow, excuse me as I have a cape to sew and a poster of the life cycle of a frog to start.  And if I was being honest, I'd have to say that I'll probably have to wait on the poster for next week.  Kids do need to eat, I'm told.  So dinner trumps poster.  But not cape.  Funny how that works, eh?

Wishing you a wonderful and preferably peaceful weekend.

Snuffy and some Christmas cheer

Little M has hit her first growth spurt.  And caught her first cold too.  We call her snuffy nowadays, but she isn't a happy camper that's for sure.  Her lovely sleeping habits have shifted, of course, and instead of a 5-6 hour stretch at night, she only sleeps in 2-3 hour spurts.  Poor little darling!  I hope it doesn't last too much longer...

We are well into Christmas makings around here.  The kids have little gifts going on for their teachers, and I have put in some time for them while they're at school.  We finished a couple of pine cone owls too since I took that picture.  I am so glad I came across this idea by Lia Griffith.  

I finished a sweet little apron for S.  (I just love the lace with denim... so tempting to make into a dress!)  I had to try it on her for sizing since I had to make up the pattern.  She loved it!  I couldn't get it off her!  And of course, that makes me feel as though she's been getting the short end of the stick most of her 2-year-old life.  I guess it's time for her to have some handmade love from mama.  :)  I think I will try to finish a messenger bag for her too, but let me not get ahead of myself here!  

I have plans to make an apron for M.  A true chef's apron that is, because this little boy like to help in the kitchen too.  (And did I mention that this little boy, for some reason, is so much more prone to making huge messes?)  Thus, my thoughts (oh so naturally) run to aprons.

That there above is my second quilt.  I'm not too sure about that vibrant green I included.  I mean, it works, but I'm not convinced it wouldn't have been better with something less "electric".  Anyhow, J has claimed it and it sits on her bed when not in use on the couch.  They are so handy to have around for cuddling under while reading in the evenings.  And I've added to my wish list a sewing machine that can free motion quilt.

Stay tuned for more Christmas makings in the coming days.  :)

"For a long time it seemed to me that life was about to begin - real life.  But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, or a debt to be paid.  Then life would begin.  At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life.  (Alfred Souza)  

Number 4

She finally came.  Our baby girl.  Our tiny number 4.  Our little M.  And for someone so small, what great joy and sweetness she has brought with her.  I am so completely in love with this newest little one of ours.  Even her mewling cries are sweet.  The others are over the moon too, especially the kids!  They are forever asking to hold her, burp her, change and bathe her.  She has a beautiful story too, quite different from her siblings.  

By the way, that gorgeous green hat was knitted by my dear friend Kim.  (She even included a felt flower to sew on in case it was a girl, which she was!)  Thank you so much for thinking of us my dear friend.   You are a sweetheart.    

So little M.  She came late, but she came quickly.  I am so thankful that she was born on her own with no interventions and no drugs.  (My midwives were just wonderful - I couldn't have done it without them, and I'm not just saying that.)  It really has made a difference in the speed at which I've been able to recover and get back on my feet.  For the most part, I feel like I am living in a bit of a bubble nowadays.  Not so much because my head is buried in the sand but because this baby sets my routine.  Lots of feeding, changing, and snuggles.  It all sounds so rosy, but it kind of is right now.  (I'll let you know when that changes!)  I am in the "honeymoon" phase where the sleeplessness and crying doesn't bother me at all.  In fact, I'm rather enamoured by it.  :)  Honeymoon indeed!  

Perhaps the reason for this is because D and my mom have been a huge help.  Between cleaning the house, making food, taking the other kids, soothing baby when needed so I can rest, they have literally spoiled me.  Little M is not the only one who's being taken care of.  I am too!  I was so anxious before, but now I feel a little like a queen.  If this is how women used to be cared for in the old days, it's no wonder they had so many kids.   

I have been able to spend time sewing this past week.  J's dress is done except for those buttons at the back.  Such a pretty jumper.  I think next time though, I won't do the gathering for the skirt.  At least not with corduroy.  It's too thick and bulky of a fabric to really work well that way.  Still, I do love it, and so does J, who keeps at me to finish it so she can wear it to church on Sunday.  I think it's because of the pink sash.  She really wanted the whole thing to be pink, but I don't think she minded it at all once she saw that sash and little rosebud.  :)  

I am also finishing off the binding for that much-talked-about quilt.  Except I keep forgetting to take a picture.  So you'll have to wait for me to show it off next time.  I have promised the kids we will do a little pine cone craft tomorrow, so the quilt may have to wait until during the week.  No problem by me!  

While I was in the hospital, I started working on two crocheted birds.  Turtle doves actually.  I'm hoping to make a crocheted wreath for a special someone this Christmas.  I don't think she checks my blog out, but I'll wait to post pictures until later.  Besides, I keep forgetting to photograph that too!  (Mama brain is not a myth, my friends!)

Since baby M's arrival, we stopped reading together for a few days.  I missed our routine so much though, I couldn't wait to get back to it.  It's a little more challenging with 4 crawling all over me, but we're managing.  As long as they have a snack to distract them when baby interrupts, the older ones do just fine. 

And that is where we are right now.  Getting back to our routine as much as possible and enjoying our little blessing.  And enjoying each other too.  These little monkeys are so precious!  I can't believe how they have grown.  

Before I sign off, I wanted to share a beautiful quote I found yesterday.  It really resonated with me.  I felt like, yes, this is why we need to slow down and simplify.  

"The more people deviate from the natural simple life and move toward luxury, the more human stress increases.  And as worldly politeness expands, simplicity, joy and the natural human smile are lost."  (Elder Paisios of Mt. Athos)  

Going inside

I have had this bad habit lately of leaving the house without my camera.  Lately, we've been trying to take the kids outside after dinner before it gets dark.  A nice walk or bike ride to the park nearby is what they love.  This means dinner is quite early, obviously, since it gets dark by around 6pm.  But I always seem to forget the camera!  Which bums me out because there are so many things to capture and remember!  Those gorgeous leaves, the little antics of three monkeys, little critters around us, sunsets.  Everything is wonderful and beautiful and it kind of leaves me silent after soaking it up.  Alas, I have no pictures to share them with you here.  But I imagine you are able to experience most of what I'm talking about, and perhaps to a greater degree.  And that is a comforting thought.

The crisp weather is here to stay it seems, although we had a warm spell last week.  Even my children are turning more towards making things and "quieter" activities.  Don't get me wrong, they are still full of boundless energy.  And sometimes I feel the lack of space most acutely.  But their plans are veering towards more handiwork and less outside work.  (More fine motor and less gross motor?)  I have some nice winter crafts ready for them in the coming weeks, especially for Christmas gifts, and they are really looking forward to them.  M wants to make a snake out of yarn, so I think finger knitting is going to be big with him for a while.  :)

And this mama has a whole whirl of projects going on.  From hats to sweaters to jumpers to quilts.  Only baby is going to slow me down!  :)  And perhaps not even.  For you see, it is easy to crochet or knit even with little ones.  So we wait (and not very patiently anymore) for our newest baby to come out and fill our lives with more joy!

Happy Tuesday!

Daily updates, Sunday dinner and popcorn

Just wanted to share a quick knitting update.  I only have the front left side to finish and then sew the underarm seams.  It's a little wonky in places because my gauge is not quite uniform.  Behold the beginner!  Despite the imperfections, I think it's still a sweet little sweater.  I just can't wait to see if our little one or another baby girl will get to wear it.  (And here's me already mentally working on a new boy's sweater in grey!)

We have been going easy on schoolwork since school actually started.  It sounds logical since we're not technically homeschooling, but normally, "school" is much more than academics.  It is a complete life experience.  They learn cooking, cleaning, taking care of themselves and their environments and everything else that this wonderful life entails, including reading and writing and arithmetic.  :)

However, with D-day so close, and me so tired most of the time, we tend to take an even simpler approach.  A little reading together, washing the dishes, washing off the table, putting laundry away, a little sewing or other handiwork.  My sweet little son took up an embroidery needle for the first time this past week and made a little stocking for his teacher.  He was "practicing" for the Christmas gifts we plan to make, but he did so well.  He was just full of pride!  And he was absorbed for a while finishing his task - always careful to make sure the sharp needle didn't prick his fingers.  I love watching them fall in love with creating.

We've had some leftover ham in the fridge for a bit which needed using up.  I was going to make a potato ham chowder, then I thought we could do a ham quiche.   I ended up making a simple casserole.  And I'm so glad I did.  Roasted potatoes, steamed broccoli and ham, drizzled with olive oil, a dash of salt and sprinkled with cheese.  Nothing fancy, but 100% comfort food.  And there you have it, Sunday dinner!  :)  

I found this recipe here and I made a few minor adjustments.  It is really a delicious recipe for caramel popcorn and my little ones gobbled it all up in no time.  (Guess that means we need a double recipe for the future...)  I also love that it doesn't have corn syrup involved.  Plus, it takes very little time to throw it all together.  Hope you enjoy it as much as we did.

VEGAN CARAMEL POPCORN

1/2 cup maple syrup

1 tsp salt (can cut it to 1/2 tsp if desired)

1 tsp vanilla extract

3 Tbsp sunflower oil

6 cups air popped corn (I think it's like 1/3 cup kernels?)  

Pour maple syrup into a small pot.  Heat until boiling.  Add rest of ingredients except salt and keep stirring over heat for about 2-3 minutes.  (Turn heat down only if about to overflow.)  Pour over popcorn and mix well.  Sprinkle salt and mix well.  Place on baking tray and spread evenly.  Bake at 300 degrees F for 10 minutes.  Remove from oven and let cool.  Break into pieces

Life is full right now!

While not always punctual, it seems that I have fallen into weekend blogging.  Meaning, I usually post after the weekend has passed, and often about the weekend too.  It seems to work for now.  We are busy enjoying each other during that time, and after all that connecting, I am only too happy to come here and unload all that joy.  :)  Of course, it's not all fun and games.  There are definitely rough patches in our lives.  I struggle often on what to share and what not to.  It's not just my my story to tell.  I want to respect the other members of my household, and those others who touch our lives as well.

So just for the record, there are many things that happen around here (as everywhere else I'm sure) that are not seen.  In all things though, I do try to focus on the positive because it is easy to get sucked into a negative "energy" vortex, and I personally tend to often veer towards the melodramatic.  (And pregnancy hormones do NOT help with that...)  So this is a place where I try to focus on and remember and celebrate the beauty and blessings around me.  And I am 100% sincere in what I write.  Every single word.

I mentioned I've been trying to sew that quilt a few strips at a time.  Well, I've finished piecing the squares together and now needs pin the strips together to sew up.  I am happy that this sewing rhythm is not eating into other important parts of our days.  My dear mama came by on Friday to help me make and freeze a batch of meat and cheese pies.  They are safely in the freezer (minus a dozen or so that the kids gobbled up) for when baby comes.  While I don't have a large freezer, I am trying to stock up on food for when things are especially crazy.  You just never know.  I am hoping I can squeeze at least one or two more such sessions before D-day arrives.  We'll see.

Just as we ran out of apples, D decided to take us apple-picking again.  If you haven't noticed, apple-picking is not just a once-a-season affair for us.  We are not tourists about it.  We love our apples.  And we love picking them ourselves as they come in season.  It is so satisfying to tune in to nature's timeline.  This time we got some Golden Delicious, Jonagold (duh!) and we had some Macintosh and Mutsu to round things out.  I think there will be at least one last run before the season is over.  Too bad we don't have an extra fridge.  I'm convinced it would be devoted to at least 90% apple storage if so.  And while I'm at it, I wish we had our OWN orchard!  Now THAT would be awesome!  Just mosey on out into your backyard and pick a few whenever you wanted...  A gal can dream.  

M made a poster in french for the letter "M" for school this past week.  He was so into it.  I mean, I got into it too, but he was hardcore.  (I did the drawings, and he did the colouring, writing and glueing.)  We had finished working on it the night before and that was that.  In the morning, M woke up at 6:30, came to me (thankfully I was already awake) and said very seriously, "Mom, we forgot something.  We forgot 'masque'."  And he proceeded to coach me on how to draw a mask for him to colour and glue it on a small empty patch right up near the corn.  Hilarious kid.  Although, I imagine how it would've been less hilarious had he actually woken me up.  

The school adventures don't stop there.  Aside from reading (boy is she getting speedy at spelling!), J is obsessed with pets.  Not the typical kind, mind you.  I mean snails, spiders and all things small.  She brought home a snail from school.  There is a wall outside the school apparently, that with the changing of seasons has had quite an array of snails stuck to it.   So my darling daughter put one in her backpack and brought it home.  Of course, she lost it for a while because it had climbed up the other side of the pocket she zipped it in, but once we found it again, all was well.  I do feel badly as the snail died a couple days later.  I told her he (or she?) needed to be outside and that was the best place for little critters.  So far she hasn't brought any more home, so perhaps the message resonated?  Although when she and M found a spider in the bedroom, they put it in a cup and kept it for a couple of days before D kindly let it outside.  Not before they accidentally crushed some of its legs with a small pebble they put inside the cup though...   (Apparently they wanted spidey to have a rock to rest on.)  I think we need to work on that before we look into getting any real pets.  :)

So yes.  It is Wednesday and we are halfway through the week.  My how time flies.  I don't feel any "nesting" instincts kicking in so far, which is a little disappointing.  It's nice to have all that energy to work.  Most days I'm practically forcing myself to go through the motions.  Thank God for D.  And for all these little hands who love to help out mama (well, most days...).  I suppose there's still time.

Wishing you a wonderful week! 

Small victories

It's hard to believe that my last post was 10 days ago.  It feels like months ago!  The days fly by, but then again, sometimes not very much gets done.  That is the last weeks of pregnancy, my friends.  What a battle I've been having trying to be productive!  Thankfully (and I say that wholeheartedly!) there have been some highlights.  At least, not everything has fallen by the wayside, though I often have to be content with cleanliness as opposed to cleanliness AND tidiness.  Small victories.  

It still amazes me how much time I need to spend in the kitchen to get things done.  The food prep takes some time, but there are dishes, cleanup, planning, and maintenance (like cleaning out the fridge for example) on top of it.  Usually, I try not to spend every day in the kitchen cooking.  (Otherwise, I wouldn't get very much else done.)  So that means I have to a) make several meals at the same time or b) make larger quantities to last as leftovers.  I usually follow plan b, but I'm ok with a every now and then.

For Thursday we had Shepherd's pie - the gravy bubbling up through the crusty potato layer.  I can't believe I don't make it more often.  Can't go wrong with meat and potatoes.  :)  There was some grocery shopping that happened yesterday and I could barely fit everything in the fridge.  Not a good sign.  So today was organization time.  I actually managed to clean most of the fridge, sort, reorganize and use up mostly everything in there.  Sometimes things get "lost" in the fridge and I have to throw them out in the end because they've spoiled by the time I find them.  I always feel badly about that.  Terrible really.  I really am such a scatterbrain at times.  

Anyhow, our fridge is stocked with delicious, healthy food for the week; ice cold wedges of watermelon, juicy oranges, a drawer of crunchy apples, peppers waiting to be stuffed and baked, some leftover Shepherd's pie, beets waiting to be roasted and sprinkled with the last of the feta cheese, homemade yogurt, hardboiled eggs.  Oh, and the chicken I need for tomorrow's molokheye.  (How do I describe that... it's like eating a soup of jute leaves boiled in chicken broth and eaten over rice.)  D has been requesting it all week, and so how can I not try to spoil him a little?  He is shouldering so much around here.  What a champ.

And then there is the new quilt.  I have started cutting squares.  Every day or two, as the case may be, I cut about a dozen.  Slow going.  That's ok.  The pace suits me right now.  :)  I don't know when I'll get to that dress I've been wanting to, but I have the pattern and the material, so it's just a matter of opportunity.  Right now, I'm just thankful the laundry is done (and folded).  Like I said before, small victories.

I have a need at this point to focus on those.  The small steps.  They help me realize that life is still vibrant, that we are still thriving (though perhaps to a lesser degree?).  When we took a walk to the park the other day in the evening, I couldn't help stopping to listen to the crickets starting to chirp, to see the birds settle, to feel he heat ease and watch the whole of creation take on a softer, muted hue as it readied for nighttime and rest.  Small things that might pass you by as you hurry to catch up with two very energetic little ones on their bikes.  But I am so glad I caught them.  It made the whole walk more beautiful, contemplative in a profound way.  "How glorious are thy works, O Lord, in wisdom hast thou made them all." 

So, we went on a rather spur-of-the-moment journey to the Dormition monastery last weekend.  I think it was providential.  The kids had just started school and were slow to adjust to the new rhythm thrown at them.  We needed that time together away.  They were showered full of love, of acceptance, of beauty.  Lots of little trips around, some talking with the nuns or Fr. John, feeding the chickens, making new friends.  It seems there are always friends to be made at the monastery.  :)  On Saturday night they had vigil as usual.  After Vespers, we took the little ones back to the guesthouse and got them ready for bed.  D was pretty bushed, having been up early, so he got ready with them.  Once they were in bed, I got ready to go back for the rest of the service.  Suddenly, M's small voice came: Can I come too?  I was surprised.  (Let's face it, how many times does a child ask to go to church when the service is long and it is dark?)

We went together for a beautiful 45 minutes.  He lay quietly on the floor, looking as if he was literally absorbing what was happening around him.  Towards the end, he started to nod off, but he managed to by fully awake for the final benediction.  I think he was proud of himself as we walked back together outside.  (I certainly was!)  Anyways, suddenly he looked up and saw the entire expanse of darkened sky illumined with stars.  "Mom, look at the stars!  There are thousands of them!"  (We cannot see the stars very well because of the city lights, so I think that was the first time he's seen the stars from the country.)  He was so full of wonder at the night sky.  For that alone, the entire trip was worth it.  There were no words shared as we walked back together.  I think our hearts were too full for talking.

And even now, my heart is full.  Full of so many thoughts, of emotions, of what has been and what is now.  I pray my heart stays full of these memories because they are a help through rougher waters.  Wishing you too a full heart and a goodnight.

Snippets from around here

It's back to school as of today and this mama is a little blue missing her two older babies.  (They will always be my babies, as I tell them frequently!)  To welcome them back, S and I cleaned up the house and made strawberry banana popsicles.  It is HOT out there today!  I also have a sink full of dishes for M to do up when he arrives.  Believe it or not, that calms him down and brings him back to himself here at home.  (Sounds crazy, right!?)  That photo below is a list of words (in french) that he spelled the other day.  He thought he should get ready for school.  Hilarious!

As for J, well, I think she and I will have to cuddle a little and go over everything she wants to talk about.  (That is, after she has her favourite snack - a smoothie from the leftover popsicles.)  And then she can trade places with her big brother if she wants while I wrestle him onto my lap for cuddle session round II.  Sweet little ones, how I miss them when they are gone. 

By the way, I finished the lunch bags in time for the first day of school.  Hurrah!  One project crossed off the list.  M and J each chose their own fabric and it was a joy to make them with this pattern.  And they loved them.  So do I.  They are lined with thermal insulation between the inner and outer fabrics, so that should help with keeping things cool (or hot).  M has the pirate animals and J has the princess one.  I think though for any future ones, I will look for a heavier fabric for the exterior.  Something tells me it's a wise idea.  :)  

We managed to put aside a decent amount of peaches on Thursday - about 1/2 a bushel.  I, for one, cannot wait to enjoy them in the winter!  The kids were just darlings helping out.  M washed the peaches and then washed the dishes.  J helped put the lids on and screw the bands tight.  I peeled and cut.  And we all talked and talked as we worked together.  We still have a drawer of peaches that little hands reach into at least twice a day.  :)  That is also part of the fun to be sure!  I plan on putting a bit aside in the freezer for when I have time to make peach ice cream.  

Can't forget the tomatoes.  This was my goal for this year - to put aside a big batch of tomato paste.  We have a pot of almost-tomato-paste waiting to be finished boiling down.  (It needs another hour or so, but I haven't found the time yet to sit beside the stove as is needed when it gets this thick.)  That's M helping to stir above.  He and D were my big helpers with that bushel.  Between them, they washed, and cut up the whole box.  And M helped run them through the food mill after to get rid of the seeds and skins.  Once it's finished, I'll put it into some freezer jars I have and freeze them.  I learned that trick from my mother-in-law.  She keeps her tomato paste (home-made of course) in her freezer.  Whenever she needs some, she just scoops it out with a spoon.  :)  Clever woman.

On Saturday, we watched a soccer tournament.  It was a great time for the kids running from match to match, kicking a ball around between games with other kids, and just having a ball.  (No pun intended...)  M is especially fervent about soccer.  He just loves it.  I think he takes after dad to a T.   

And because they just came into season, we went apple picking yesterday.  I have to say that it was such a great day.  Sweltering hot, mind you.  Not ideal for trekking around.  Luckily grandma and grandpa have a sprinkler.  And so naturally we showed up with a bag of apples on their doorstep.  They kindly fed us lunch and sent us on our way much cooler.  :)  

By the way, it's remarkable how observant little children are.  They found so many ladybird beetles, wasps and other tiny insects crawling on leaves or out of apple crevices, to all of which I was rather oblivious until summoned.  M was especially keen on catching said ladybugs.  He kept saying they were eating all the "bad" aphids on the apple trees, and telling J to leave them alone.  J was happiest sitting with S munching on an juicy apple.  

These are the moments I treasure.  These are memories that bring me so much joy.  I love storing them up and coming back to them.  It's like finding a $20 bill in your old winter coat!

Wishing you more such sunshine in both rain and shine.