A gentle day

Image taken from here.

Such a beautiful spring day.  Trees gently swaying in the soft breeze, earth and air warming under the sun's gaze.  It's a beautiful day to be alive.  My whole being is soaking up the comforting rhythm of nature right now.  Hoping the same for you...

Nope.

I know what you're waiting for, but no.  I have no news.  We have no abode yet and I can't start my post all exuberant.  I haven't been blogging recently because I feel so tired inside.  (Perhaps 3rd trimester fatigue is kicking in too?)  No news, no change, same old draining searching... oh, and that's with random bouts of illnesses that include diarrhea and vomiting interspersed therein.  (Gotta love those springtime sickies.)  

Actually, I've started dreaming about houses lately.  We've seen so many, so each dream features a different house.  In my dreams I am usually trying to renovate something or reconcile with a less-than-ideal feature of a house we've just bought.  Sometimes I wake up in a panic: NO, NOT BROWN FOR THE WAINSCOTING!!  (You know you've seen too many houses when...)

I shouldn't complain.  I do, but I shouldn't.  I have so much to be thankful for.  It's just that I'm too tired right now to find the silver lining.  So, I can't write that we found a house yet.  And I was hoping so.  

But I can write about the other dinosaur I finished for J!  And I can post about another little bunny (with a bow-tie!) I finished the other day for a gift.  And I did manage to take the kids to the park yesterday for a couple of hours.  And I did go swimming late last night.  And if you think it's easy for me to do all of the above, you've clearly never been me.  

Anyhow, my only crocheting project in queue right now is that oatmeal blanket.  I suspect this will change imminently, but I am relieved to have finished the others.  I do have so many things I want to try still and it's nice to start with a clean slate.  

So.  Clean slate.  

My struggles

I am struggling to find the time to take my children outside these days.  They are so full of energy that I cringe with guilt when I haven't been able to take them out.  The daily temperature oscillates from -3 to +6... a rocky transition time between winter and spring for sure.  In spite of that, my babies  love to ride their bikes.  M is building serious leg muscles with all the uphill peddling that he's been doing.  J is content to be pushed with an occasional peddle inserted willy-nilly.  

Putting aside my tired (and possibly lazy-fueled) grumbling, I am thankful for these times - my children simplify life in extraordinary ways.  They have brought so much pure and simple beauty into my life that I cannot for a moment imagine life without them.

Our hearts are full of emotions right now.  We are feeling the pull of finding a home more and more each day.  Which one shall we choose, or perhaps, which one shall choose us?  We feel the clock ticking away so quickly that a panicky "we need to choose a house right now!" escapes us.  And then we remind each other that the first jump is the hardest and this will be our very first house.  So we relax a little and continue our hunt with determined purpose.  

I hope with all my heart to start my next post, or the one thereafter with: WE FOUND OUR HOME SWEET HOME AT LAST.  

A few of my favourite things

All this house-hunting leaves me feeling frazzled and in need of an oasis of soothing calm.  I seem to turn inwards to very simple things during these kind of times.  Visiting a friend, talking with a sister, absorbing a service quietly in church, drinking tea, sewing at in the stillness of the night, a hug from D, crocheting little dinosaurs for M...

I really don't want to lose my mind while trying find our own little space.  This - the searching - is the stressful part of our journey, I suppose.  Perhaps some people find it plain exciting though.  It is exciting when you find good potential homes, but then begins the filtering, seeing, calculating, compromising, researching, etc.  Multiply that by however many homes we go through and it adds up time and energy-wise.  I feel badly for the kids because I'm not always connected with them, though we be in the same room.  I'll be on the computer sorting through properties while they play "boat" on the rug or climb into the cupboards.  I hope this changes soon.  D has been working crazy hours for a project deadline, so I often have to carry the torch at home.  I miss him.

I'm sure you can gather from all this that I am usually in need of a proverbial pick-me-up.  Here are some of the things that have brightened my day recently:  

• Getting organized in small and simple yet profound ways.
• Having my kids clamour to help with any and all cooking... I have to say that it definitely makes things go slower than usual.
• Dreaming about our new home and how to decorate each room!  (This is definitely my go-to happy place when I feel like I'm going bonkers.)
• Drinking hot tea early in the morning in the silence when no one is awake and the sky is starting to lighten.
• Going for walks on warmer days with the wagon and hearing the kids squeal when D or I push them high on the swings
• Watching my son take care of his sister - guiding her safely through throngs of people to mom or dad.
• Hearing that same son sounding out his letters and trying to find words that contain the sound of each letter.  This is the most rewarding part of teaching him - seeing him take off on his own!  
• Any time I get a hug - from D or M or J.  Sometimes I even cry.  I blame it on the pregnancy hormones.  :oD

Mindfulness and healing

This is not a post about what projects are being carried out in our house, though there are many.  I have included pictures for that.  This is a post about healing and mindfulness.   

I had a conversation this week with someone.  When we are sick, we seem to rush around to take medicine, get better and basically do what it takes to get back into the rush of life we seem associate with health.  Our bodies are machines to optimize and troubleshoot when a part (or the whole) malfunctions.  The problem is that we're not machines and all this rushing around has serious repercussions   

By the way, I'm sitting here sick as a dog.  Congested, sore throat, headache and chilly.  I feel like a piece of raw meat being tenderized.  (Why that analogy came to mind, I have no idea.)  That's what I feel like.  And I sound like a raspy old lady who's been smoking her whole life.  That's if I talk sporadically.  If I am talking (or yelling) more than occasionally, which is always the case until about 9:00pm, I sound like a raspy old man who's been smoking his whole life.  I can practically hit those low basso profundo notes, baby!

And as I sit here nursing my cup of tea and trying to make my bleary eyes and aching head cooperate and focus on the screen enough to type this entry, I remember this conversation and think: so true.  Too much rushing turns us into mindless hamsters running on a giant wheel.  We're too busy trying to keep up with the pack that we stop thinking.  We stop discerning.  And of course, somewhat ironically, we break down more often. 

I will tell you that being sick is not fun.  (Especially when little people depending on you expect, nay demand! that the show must go on.)  Yet, I am conscious of an internal signal to slow down my tempo as my body tries to deal with this as best it can.  I am more conscious of what is going on around me and inside of me.  

I like to make things because it means that life goes a little slower.  I believe that those who take time and use it to create things to eat, wear or play with instead of buying them a) appreciate the process (and the result!) much more; b) can't do as much so they must both plan ahead as well as prioritize; c) can choose what to make and how; d) have the satisfaction that comes with labour, effort and skill.  I'm sure there are many other things I could add to this list.  However, my headache is getting a little worse and my pillow is looking mighty inviting.  

I hate ending on a half-finished note, but this will have to do.  Consider it less of a completed and exhausted topic and more like a few preliminary rough notes.  

I bid you goodnight and good health.  

A left-footed weekend

This weekend, everything that could have gone wrong did.  We went to clean our new place and it wasn't ready.  We spent a few fruitless hours cleaning before things went really south and it looks like we're not moving anymore.  (At least not until we get another place sorted out.)  It was a nightmare that I'm trying to forget!

<cue happy thoughts, comfort food and crafty projects>

The kids are resilient.  They bounce back from anything it seems!  All I had to do was mention their queued projects and life was rosy again.  :o)  I must admit that I felt better picking up the pin box and hearing the gentle hum of the sewing machine as it ate up the fabric.  I love sewing.  I can't believe I never knew what I was missing until now.  While I am waiting to see M's reaction to his new messenger bag, I am more excited over J's 2 dresses.  One of them is almost finished - minus the hemming and the buttonholes.  I will let you know how the latter turn out as it will be my first attempt.

 Otherwise, I am slowly ticking off things to do and planning some fun activities for the kids.  M is really into geography for some reason.  He found a huge altas book for children filled with pictures of animals and resources on each continent.  Being an opportunist, I have seized the moment and we are learning about the continents!  It's not really work for him or me, so we enjoy ourselves.  D has promised to get him a globe once we get settled.

And so, we start again in trying to find another place to make our home.  A few prayers would be mightily appreciated!

In my "crafting" room...

... I have a few projects a-brew in full throttle!

• that scalloped baby blanket in a soothing oatmeal
• two spring dresses for my girl - one a navy polka-dot and the other a sweet flower fabric
• a messenger bag for my boy - in a car fabric that he chose no less!
• a crocheted bunny I designed for my niece's birthday
• crocheted flowers and leaves for decorating the tea cozy I have planned.

Which explains my reluctance to tear myself away to document them or get to the computer.  Also, with the move coming up this weekend, we are shifting gears to packing everything up.  This just means I have deadlines galore on most of these projects.  Hallelujah.  Bring it on.